Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

What I learned going shopping on Thanksgiving

I had to go get a few Black Friday-ish things for my mother (who is in all sorts of bad moods lately with the pregnancy) yesterday and then again for a bit today. In my hours of waiting in lines and navigating through seas of people, I learned a few things:

- Your electronics are always half-charged, no matter if you charged them for the entire day, and will die when your irate mother calls you with another list of 20 things to get.

- The people near you are your best friends until the item goes on sale, then it's basically a battle royal as they push and claw their ways past you without a second thought.


- You are never too old to have fun with children's toys, especially those awesome foam swords.

- Old people give no fucks and will run your ass over if you are in their way

- Nerf gun duels are the perfect way to kill time. And are just a great idea in general.

- Police attendance is CRUCIAL, especially when people feel the need to bring knives and swipe at people (not me, thankfully) in order to get stuff.

- My mother is insane for doing this every year.

- It should be considered criminal to bring children to things like that.

- When getting things for yourself, they will always be out of that thing. No new toys for me.


That's what I learned. I'm going to go pass out for a few hours. Hope everyone else had a nice Thanksgiving.

Share This Story