Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

​What Not to Look Forward to on April fool's Day

As of this writing, there are 4 days until April Fool's Day and you know what, I really dislike the holiday. I've disliked it ever since I was a kid and I hate it now as an adult. This probably has to do with most of the people I knew growing up weren't funny and their attempts at jokes were pure awful.

What didn't help either was that some people thought the best pranks were to do them the day before, when nobody is expecting them, which given the day before is my Birthday, really didn't help matters.


Luckily, I am not the only one who dislikes the holiday as a quick search on Google will show countless others talking about their Fool's Day horror stories and/or dislike for the holiday.

As such, here is a quick guide for things not to look forward to on this year's April Fool's Day and hopefully, will make some would be pranksters think twice about their plans.

(I should point out right now that all of the examples are real. Either "jokes" people tried on me, were tried on other people I knew or have been written about online).

The Lies

Simply saying a lie and actually making a joke are not the same thing. Now, a lie can be part of a clever joke, but not the joke or punchline itself.


This should be really obvious, but it seems that the majority of people who participate on the holiday don't realize this. Most of the time, lies are usually just annoying and inconvenient, usually wasting only about 3 to 30 seconds of your time at most.

However, you then get those people who don't know when they've gone too far. For those people, here are a few tips:

  • Lying about a love one dying is not funny, especially when the love one is actually sick or has known health problems.
  • Lying about being raped or another serious crime is not funny, that shows you have a lack of sympathy or care about real victims and you deserve getting your arse kicked for it.
  • Teachers, lying about failing an important test is not funny. The student is already going through a lot of stress through his/her life and they don't need your failed attempt at comedy to worsen it. Also, depending on the student, he/she will make your life a living hell.
  • The reverse is true for students. Don't lie to the teacher, they already have enough stress dealing with bullies and dickhead students the rest of the year. They don't need you making it worse.

The Harassment

The level up from simple lying. Verbal harassment actively tries to make you feel horrible, either through insults, bigotry or catcalling. Physical harassment is when the joker think assaulting you constitutes as a prank. Neither qualify as jokes or pranks and this should be more painfully obvious then lying.


This is why it is so depressing that there are thousands of people out there who don't realize this and all year round you see these horror stories of people getting assaulted by these so called prankers.

Again, here are some good tips:

  • Being homophobic, racist, sexist or any other type of bigotry is not funny. More so if the person you are harassing is gay/POC/a woman etc. You are not being ironic, you are not being clever or making a point. You are simply being a horrible human being.
  • Sexual assault is not funny. I shouldn't even have to say this but apparently people can't get it through their thick skulls that grabbing women's asses is not a prank. What's sadder is that you know that on the day, we'll be seeing hundreds of these prankers posting there assaults on YouTube, then depressingly getting hundreds of comments praising them for harassing.
  • Non-sexual assault is not funny. Everybody I've ever known seems to have met that one guy who thinks punching you is a joke. Of course, it isn't and neither is kicking or setting someone on fire.

The Defensiveness

This is one of the worst aspects that make the Holiday so bad, the attitude of these pranksters and jokers. The fact that even though they are clearly in the wrong, they will always go into the defensive and double down on their failure and make it seem like you were the asshole for being offended or simply not finding it funny.


I've seen this from people who were simply dicks and people who honestly thought they were being funny. It never helps and just makes things worse.

Some pointers:

  • If someone is clearly not in the mood for a joke or a prank, either they just had a bad day, worried sick about a love one, had to many awful pranks already or they simply doesn't like them. Don't prank them, it's not going to end well and you are in the wrong if you go through it.
  • If the person was offended or didn't find it funny, don't go defensive and try to make them feel awful. Apologies, try to make it up to them somehow. If you really care about this person and were sincere in making this person happy, then you'll openly admit you're in the wrong.
  • If you've damaged something in your attempt in pranking, then pay for the damages and clean up your own mess. If the item was a family heirloom or was expensive, why in the name of Lilith did you think it was a good idea in the first place?!


Lastly, here are some bonus tips of "pranks" you shouldn't attempt:

  • Theft is not funny. Stealing something from someone is a crime, plain and simple. If the victim phones the police on you (unless of course the item you stole, was the victims phone), you deserve your arse in prison.
  • Breaking into someone's house is not funny. If your prank involves breaking into the victim's home, you may want to reevaluate your plan because guess what, again who have broken the law!
  • Calling the emergency services is not funny. Why do people find it clever to try to prank the emergency services and thus waste resources that could be used to help people who really need it? This is again, a crime and quite simply, you are scum if you try this.

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