Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

Why did you make me watch Elysium? [sans spoilers]

Elysium is a film where somehow there is free magic (figuratively, not literally) healthcare on this space station where the global 1% live and where Los Angeles looks like the slums of Mexico City, except it has robot cops. There may be other places on Earth, but, they're not important. All you need to know is LA sucks and Elysium is awesome.

Matt Damon needs to get to Elysium for (plot purposes) so he has to get a robot exoskeleton to do a job and then he can go there. But then the job goes bad. But then the job doesn't matter. But then he goes to Elysium. But then bad things happen. But then good things happen to everyone.

This movie is like Quake in the sense that people get gibbed. Do you like using the rocket launcher or BFG in Quake? Or maybe the Gauss gun in Half-Life? Do you like using them so much you wish that a movie would use them? Okay cool this movie has some gibbing for you, congratulations.

The robot police are really cool looking, like, these robots are the Prawns of this film in the sense that they are fantastic CGI characters. Do you remember all that empathy you gained for the Prawns in District 9? And how you felt that was really neat for a film because they're not human?

And then this movie has humans that you can't empathize with because Matt Damon apparently is a worse actor than a CGI Prawn?

Elysium gets a B for "better than Transformers but bworse than Pacific Rim"


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