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Wolverine: This is why we can't have nice things

So I went to see Wolverine. You shouldn't. (Here be spoilers.)

I've read the reviews about this movie, but I still wanted to see it. Because it's motherfuckin' Wolverine and after Storm he's my favourite Marvel character. Unfortunately the best scene in this movie was the post-credits one.


Based on reviews I've read I expected a dumb action movie that's kind of fun. Wolverine is neither of those things: the action scenes suck, the story is all kinds of dumb and even Wolvie's deadpan one-liners fall mostly flat.

The problem is that it start out alright, and watching Wolverine and Yukio interact on screen is awesome. But then there's a lot of stuff happening with Yashida and Yashida's son and the Yakuza and Mariko and I probably couldn't explain it to you in a way that makes sense. Viper has little to do in the movie and could have been swapped out for any generic character. And then there's some kind of Silver Samurai, which looks cool, but makes absolutely no sense. What's worse you can actually predict the outcome of the movie, and it's almost painful to sit trough it. It's very rare that I've wanted to leave the theater during a movie, and this is one of those times.

And the acting! Hugh Jackman is alright and so is Yukio, but they can't save this movie. Everyone else just doesn't work - I'm not sure if it's the bland and overly cliche dialogue or something else. And for a movie with 3 named female characters that are supposed to be bad-asses it tries very hard to not let them be more than caricatures. Their motivations are never really explained properly, and in every fight scene they get inevitably overpowered and need rescue.

The next big fail of this movie is the editing: it's very very choppy, interrupting key scenes to show us irrelevant things and interrupting the flow of action scenes. The comedic moments fail on timing. It's like someone has had an action movie explained to them, but has never actually seen one.


And then there's Jean Grey. Her ghost appears in this movie so many times to loud groans from the audience. It feels like halfway trough filming some Hollywood exec realised "Hey, no one's ever heard of any of these other actors besides Hugh Jackman. We need another big name to put on the poster!" and Famke Janssen's scenes were shoehorned into it. If they never make another X movie mentioning Jean Grey it'll be too soon.

It sucks that Wolverine turned out to be such a bad movie, and it's even worse for fans of the character who actually know a little about the comic book storyline. There area few scenes that could have been interesting character development, but alas, it's not meant to be.


In the end we can only hope that Days of Future Past erases everything after X2. As one of my friends put it after leaving the theater "Let's never speak of this movie again."

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